Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
