so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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