Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
