couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
