Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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