He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You need Xanax blowdarts
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
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