So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Let's get the cat blown out
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
