My room smells like vodka and shame
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
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