he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
