every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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