When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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