I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize