Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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