Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
