And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
