Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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