Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
