I look better un-naked...
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
