We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize