I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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