hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
