Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
