I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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