why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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