I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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