so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
