At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
