the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
