Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
