New low: just hacked my moms facebook
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
