Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Randomize
