I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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