Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
