arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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