Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
