Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
God I need to hump something, right now.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
