Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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