Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
