Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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