There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
