if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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