so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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