my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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