so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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