dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
