he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
ttyl tear gas
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
