I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize