i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
