Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
