i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
