I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
