Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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