The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize