U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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