In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
