had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
