Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
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