I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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