I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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