Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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