i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
