I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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