You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
