Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
We need a shit load of segways right now
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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