he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
