its not stalking. its research.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
