guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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