Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
