I puked a lego.
I just threw up on my dentist
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
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