I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
