im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
