Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize