At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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