This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
