Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
