Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
