I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
