Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Boobs are out for the taking
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
