More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
