i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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