I think i sorta joined a cult last night
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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