he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
