By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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