dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Someone signed my nipple.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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