i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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