Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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