Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
