We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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