dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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