Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize