She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
