I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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