Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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