Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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