Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(502): View more from Kentucky

so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one

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(402): View more from Nebraska

The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.

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(269): View more from Michigan

I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.

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(304): View more from West Virginia

He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.

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(845): View more from New York

This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.

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(304): View more from West Virginia

you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras

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(407): View more from Florida

I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.

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(618): View more from Illinois

Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.

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(310): View more from California

How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?

(323): View more from California

Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.

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