well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
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