Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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